F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Top 9 Funniest Newspaper Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)

UR PERSONALITY CHECK

There is a very, very tall coconut tree, and there are 4 animals:

King Kong, Ape, Orangutan and a Monkey passing by.

They have a competition to see who is the fastest to climb & get the banana.

Who do you guess will win?

Trust me your answer will reflect your personality. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer? Scroll down to see the analysis.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If your answer is any of these ....

Orangutan = dull/stupid

Ape = foolish

Monkey = idiot

King Kong = stupid

Why?????

Coconut tree, doesn't have bananas..... ....!!

Obviously you're stressed and overworked. Take some time off and relax!!!

Appraisal and Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation?"

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation

Appraisal	Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.	In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.	In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.	During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.	There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation

Who's Intelligent???

A Proof of which Gender is Intelligent

An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly..

All of the males in the class wrote :

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote :

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful!!

Monday, November 19, 2007

WHY DO WOMEN WALK BEHIND..???

A reporter who did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan,
several years before the Afghan conflict noted then that women
customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still
walk behind their husbands.

She approached one of the Afghan women and asked:
" Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once
tried so desperately to change ? "

The woman looked her in the eyes and without hesitation, said:

" Landmines ! "

"The Husband will get it first"

Moral of the story : Behind every man is a damn smart woman !

Modern Panchtantra Story

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of
a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river.

Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers.

The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.

She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?"

Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty.

She was about to give Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid fool!!

The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!!”

So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool ----